By Mahshid Hager
Do you know that feeling, when you were a kid, hanging out with your best friend, playing and goofing around and totally being yourself because you hadn’t figured out how to be anyone else yet….? I got to feel that feeling every night last week.
I belong to a community of Somatic Experiencing Practitioners (SEPs) who travel around the world and assist at SE trainings. We gather to support the faculty member in teaching the material, to support the students and their learning and to hold space for the process of integration, for them and for each other. Each brings their own unique gift to the process.
It’s both, an extremely delicate and difficult task and an extremely rewarding and pleasurable task. We travel at our own expense and offer our support free of cost (more on this in a bit…). You might be wondering why we do that. I have wondered this myself numerous times.
Here’s what I come up with:
Some of us do it to deepen our learning. Some of us do it for the networking. Some do it because they aspire to become teachers in this modality. All of us do it for the connection! I’m going to try to tell about that connection, though I’m not sure my words will do it justice. For me it is much more of a visceral experience.
Some time last year, while sitting around the table with 12 or so other assistants, I was suddenly aware that I was carrying myself differently in this group than I do on a daily basis out in the world. There had recently been another terrorist attack in the US, the person who carried out the atrocious act was identified as being a man of Muslim faith, the election campaigns were in full swing and the whole country seemed on edge…. It wasn’t until I was at this dinner that I realized how much I had been bracing myself in the recent weeks. The absence of that bracing at this dinner almost took my breath away. This is what feeling safe feels like! Here, I know that once I enter the room, I can leave my guards behind. I can show up as me, all of me and this crew will have me anyway.
I know that any one of them is ready to offer their help if I need it. I know that I’ll always have a shoulder to lean on and a hand to hold. We share meals together, share our joys and sorrows with each other and we encourage each other on this crazy journey that is life. Each of them is genuinely interested in the well being of the other and is willing to step in and offer support in whatever way they can. I can go to any of them and say “Hey, I’m really sad” or mad or disappointed in myself or angry with you…. and I know that they will move towards me and not away from me.
I feel this quality slipping away in today’s world. Uncomfortable conversations take too much effort. It’s hard to find time or space for deep connection. Once you find it it can be in a way intoxicating. And maybe that’s why we all get together in this way as well. Once you have been met with this genuine curiosity and interest, once you know what it feels like to have another person so present to your experience, you start craving it more and more. None of us are always perfect at this, of course. But that’s okay. We can try again tomorrow.
I feel a need to note that this is my experience with this crew and mine alone. I am very aware that others do not feel this spaciousness when assisting. The Somatic Experiencing Trauma Institute (SETI), as an organization, has a long way to go in becoming more inclusive, more diverse and more culturally conscious. But those conversations are beginning to peculate and that is also partially the work of assistants who keep these subjects at the forefront of conversation.
Also of importance is the fact that the trainings COULD NOT happen without the help and the bigheartedness of the assistants. In my opinion, it is high time that SETI recognizes the invaluable efforts of assistants in a quantitative way. Assistants have been offering their support towards the growth of these trainings and of the institute itself willingly and generously. SETI needs to recognize the enormous monetary loss that an assistant undertakes (flights, room and board, meals, loss of business while away etc.) and compensate them in some way. I know I am not the first person to bring this subject to the table and I know for sure that I won’t be the last. As Somatic Experiencing gains more recognition and as the demand for more trainings arises, these issues can’t be ignored.
After this last training, I feel nourished, encouraged and hopeful. I worked hard and long hours. I laughed and played my heart out. And I can’t wait to do it again! 🙂
Tell me about your community.
Where do you feel met and nourished?
Who are the people in your life that support you when you’re in need?
