By Mahshid Hager

I’ve been thinking about mid-life a lot lately. Maybe it’s because I’m 47 and 50 seems just around the corner. Or the fact that I’ve been having a shoulder ‘issue’ that seems more persistent and requires a little more attention and care than I’m used to allocating to such things. Maybe it’s because my boys are in their late teens and their life seems like such a contrast to mine. You remember those days, don’t you…? When nothing seemed impossible and days seemed long and unending and you felt like your whole life was ahead of you so “what’s the rush?”

Last week, my elderly clients, who is preparing for  surgery was in my office, telling me about all the preparations they had to go through in order to get ready for the surgery. I was expecting things like eating really well, getting lots of rest, and stacking his freezer with food so they’d have something to eat afterwards. But they started telling about reviewing their will and decluttering their house and giving away old books and magazines they’d been collecting for 15 plus years, because you know…”in case the surgery doesn’t go as planned.”

Guess it’s understandable that all of this put together had an effect on me. It all started contributing to a gradual and inevitable shift of focus in my system.

A few days ago I was driving home from work, thinking about this book I’m working on. One of my intentions for this year is to really examine all the areas in my life where my self doubt still plays a big role and tries to hold me back. So, as I was thinking about writing this book, I was also closely monitoring this other voice in my head that keeps interjecting and saying things like “you’re not a writer” or “you’re an ok writer but you’re not as good as so and so…” or “you’re not ready for this”. I’m very familiar with this “other voice”. It has been there most of my life. I have argued with her in the past and I have even won some of these battles. But all of a sudden, last week in my car, this new voice chimed in, loud and clear and with a certainty that was undeniable it said “YOU DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!”

All of a sudden I felt like, I was out of time to even consider the luxury of self doubt. Because really, when it comes down to it, when do we ever feel like we are truly ready to take on new tasks, especially when these tasks feel a bit challenging and when we know that they’ll stretch our capacity in some way? When I look back at all of the things I have done in my life, all of my accomplishment, I can honestly say that I did not feel “ready” for 90% of them. Maybe even more.

I have always been a little hesitant to take the next step in my personal and professional growth. The “what if’s” slowing down my momentum. Others around me who trust my skill level and know my potential, have gently but firmly nudged me in the right direction. Sometimes I’ve stepped into new role kicking and screaming, other times I have been more open but still always more cautious than I needed to be. In all of those instances, from moving to the United States to go to college, to accepting promotions I didn’t feel ready for, to participating in artistic endeavors like writing and theatre when I felt like I had no business doing so….in all of those cases, had I listened to my self doubt and my fear I would have missed out on so much! I don’t even know what feeling “ready” really feels like!

And now, at 47 years old, the preciousness of my years feels visceral. I used to say “someday I’ll write a book” and just realized “someday” is here, now! There is no time to wait and see what happens. This is it! This is the one life I get and it’s probably more than halfway done. If I want to do something I better get to it. If I have a dream I better think of the steps I need to take to make it a reality.

I was having a conversation with a friend today and I asked her a question that I think applies to all of: “If the fear wasn’t there, how would your life be different?”

I ask you and myself this now: if we woke up tomorrow without our fears and our self doubt how would we show up differently in our lives? What could we accomplish?

So for this coming year, I want to invite you along with me. Let’s just go for it, shall we?

Let’s put aside the fears, the self doubt, the what if’s and see what can happen and how far we can go.

Let’s take up space.

Let’s be as big as we were meant to be.

Let’s be our true, wild, fiery selves.

As I said before, the support of family, friends and mentors along the way has been immeasurable! They have supported me, pushed me and challenged me and opened my eyes to new ideas and new ways of BEing.

The world today is far from perfect. I want to continue to surround myself with truth-tellers, with healers and philanthropists, with rebels and creators. It is going to take all of us to bring about change and there’s no room for fear!

Let’s stay in touch and support each other and cheer each other on. I know I’ll still need that!

                                    Photo by Sammie Vasquez on Unsplash